


What We Remember, What We Forget

by irritating_spontaniety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1531781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irritating_spontaniety/pseuds/irritating_spontaniety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky doesn't remember anything about Howard Stark, until he does, then he really wishes he didn't, but everything turns out okay in the end. Also Bucky and Steve are Disney nerds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Remember, What We Forget

The first time he heard the name, Bucky didn't think much of it.

 

“He’s the son of Howard Stark,” Steve was saying, “bit egotistical in my opinion. Like father like son, I suppose, but a good guy.”

 

“Howard Stark?” Bucky inquired. He felt like the name should mean something to him, like he should know who it is. “Who’s that?”

 

“Y’know? Howard Stark? We used to go to the Stark expo..?”

 

Bucky shook his head. “Brainwash, remember?”

 

“Right,” Steve sighed. “Well anyways, Stark lent me the disks to all the new Disney movies. Said we should watch them and get with the times. They’ve made a lot more since Bambi.”

 

They were in Steve’s apartment. Bucky was sitting on the couch with a coke while Steve was kneeling in front of the TV, trying to get the DVD player to work. After the whole Hydra fiasco, the rubble had been cleared away and the blown out wall had been replaced. The other tenants were given large sums of money to pay for property damage and therapy. Steve had been on his own for a while. SHIELD was in shambles so Captain America was technically unemployed. He passed some time with Sam, tackling his pop culture list to keep his mind off things. They’d watched Star Wars together, all six movies. Sam said the prequels were “crimes against cinema” but frankly Steve was just impressed by the CGI. That fight between Yoda and Palpatine? Epic. Mostly, however, they spent the days in search of Bucky. One day, Steve had spotted the ex-Winter Soldier in the streets, and practically chased him down and made Bucky stay with him in his apartment. "It's my turn to offer," he had said. Bucky didn't know what he meant. It was...awkward at first. His memory from before their fight on the helicarriers was pretty much nonexistent. All he was aware of was that he knew Steve, somehow, from a long time ago. Though Bucky was starting to regain bits and pieces of memory, Steve was still a stranger to him, and in a way, he was a stranger to Steve as well. Bucky caught him staring morosely at his arm sometimes, so he took to wearing long-sleeved hoodies. He could tell Steve was trying hard to make him comfortable, though, and Bucky was glad for it. All in all, they were a work in progress.

 

Steve chatted with him constantly, trying to get him to remember something from the past, or just gave him updates about what he’d been up to since his defrosting. Oh yeah, the whole iced thing was kind of weird. Steve had also fought a warmongering Norse god and saved New York from an alien invasion, which was possibly weirder. He often mentioned the Avengers. The red-headed SHIELD agent Bucky apparently tried to kill (sorry) was one of them too. He’d yet to meet any of the others, but he heard plenty about them. There was Stark with the iron suit and thing in his chest, the scientist with the serious personality disorder, the thunder god, and an archer who was once the thunder god’s brother’s mind-controlled minion. Bucky wondered if Steve had any normal friends.

 

“This one,” Steve held up a DVD case titled Lion King, “Stark says will make you cry like baby and be sexually attracted to lions.” Bucky made a face. “Don’t ask me. Let’s just watch it.”

 

Well, Stark was at least partially right. Halfway through of the movie they were bawling (“Simbaaa!!! Mufasa!!!! He thought it was his fauulllttt!!!” “Scar you fucker!!”) and in the following weeks they would randomly burst out with, “NAAAAAAAAAAAAAATSBENADJFGYAMABAGITHIBABAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

\------

 

The second time was in more somber settings. Steve brought Bucky with him to see Peggy. Maybe he thought it would help him recover some memories? The way Steve smiled at her was similar to how he often smiled at him. Sad, wistful, a little pained... It was, Bucky thought, much worse than Lion King.

 

For reasons that start with "alz" and end with "heimer's" the visit didn’t last very long. After they left the hospital, they sat down with two lattes at a nearby cafe, and Steve filled him in.

 

“Peggy knew me during the war, even pre-serum, though nowhere as long as you did. She’s amazing- doesn't take shit from anybody. We used to have a thing together too. Though obviously it didn't work out. It didn't start out too smoothly either... I thought,” Steve laughed, “She and Howard were ‘fonduing’.”

 

_Howard?_ There was that name again.

 

Steve misinterpreted the puzzled look on his face. “Yeah that. Well I thought she and Howard were y’know. And they weren't. Howard was like, ‘Fondue is just cheese and bread, Steve’ and I thought, ‘dammit.’ And then when another girl kissed me Peggy shot me three times- in the shield of course. Howard was having me choose one at the time.”

 

_Howard. Howard. Howard Stark._ Bucky felt uneasy.

 

“Can we go home?”

 

“Yeah, sure. No problem.” Steve said, looking concerned. “Is something…?”

 

“We still have to watch The Little Mermaid and Mulan, remember?"

 

“Right! Hey, I actually did a little research on this. Did you know The Little Mermaid is actually a really important movie. It started something known as the Disney Renaissance. Here, let me break it down for you...”

 

Bucky didn’t hear Steve ramble on about the critical significance of The Little Mermaid or the accolades it earned. The memory of car tires screaming against gravel drowned everything else out, except the sound of a voice saying, “Howard Stark.”

 

\------

 

Steve kept a collection of SHIELD embossed manila folders. They were full of files- about the Avengers members, potential threats, the tesseract. They also contained information about SHIELD agents, both current and past.

 

Steve was out buying popcorn and soda for the movies. They’d run out.

 

Bucky tugged the handle of Steve's desk drawer. It was locked. He switched to his left hand and broke the lock. He had to know.

 

He sifted through the files. Fury...Hill...Sitwell...Coulson...May… He saw Peggy’s file. Agent Carter- co-founder of SHIELD, it said. It had a picture of her younger self, but he recognized her. Was it because he met her again in person? He set her folder aside.

 

The file under her’s was labeled Howard Stark.

 

“Howard Stark- Founder of SHIELD.”

 

He opened the folder. Out fell a newspaper clipping.

 

He picked it up.

 

The heading of the clipping read, “Howard and Maria Stark die in car accident...”

 

There was a picture. A man. Dark hair. With a mustache. Dark eyes. Hauntingly familiar. Familiar.

 

Bucky gripped the news clipping tightly, the paper wrinkled in one hand, and started tearing in the other. He didn’t notice.

 

_Howard Stark._

_Howard._

_Stark._

 

He was breathing hard.

 

_Accident._

_Car accident._

_“Make it…_

_...look like an accident.”_

He felt so dizzy.

 

_Two figures in a car._

_Car accident._

_A man and a woman._

_Howard Stark. Maria Stark._

_Tires screeching!_

_Glass shattering!_

_Accident._

_Car accident._

_“I need you to...kill Howard Stark.”_

_“Make it look like an accident.”_

 

His breath was quick and erratic. He wasn't getting enough oxygen. The room was spinning. The article fell out of his hands. His chest hurt. His peripheral vision darkened. Distantly, he heard the doorknob rattle. Steve?

 

Everything went black.

 

\------

 

_It was the night of a new moon. The city’s various pollutants made the stars dim and scarce._

_Howard and Maria Stark were going to a party in Brooklyn; it was some kind of fundraiser. They were frequent attenders to these sort of events, and their assassin knew this. He also knew that Stark had a penchant for alcohol- lots of it. A Hydra agent would make sure that Howard Stark drank his fill, and that each drink contained a small dose of sedative._

_Soon the billionaire was swaying where he stood. His wife excused them from the party and led her husband outside to where their car was parked. Their chauffeur stood beside the car waiting for them. He opened the door to let them in and they climbed into the backseat._

_The Winter Soldier knew which route they would take. He’d been observing them for weeks now. It was the same one they always took. He got into a different car a couple meters away and starting driving. Right turn, left turn, left again. Soon they were out on a highway. He sped ahead of them for a while before stopping in the middle of the road, and getting out. The engine was off, as well as the tail lights. The car was completely dark. The Starks’ car was nearing, he could see the two pinpricks of headlights in the distance. It was getting closer...closer…closer..._

_He pushed a button and two small, planted explosives extinguished their headlights. They couldn’t see anything in front of them. The driver heard the explosions and instinctively hit the brakes but it was already too late to stop. The tires screeched! The cars collided full force! Glass shattered, and metal crunched together in a cacophonous din._

_He walked up to the wreck. The force of the collision had forced the two cars a good distance up the road. The air reeked of burnt rubber and gasoline. The front of the Starks’ car, along with its driver, had been completely crushed. In the back, the passengers sat unconscious, strapped to their seats. They were bleeding from shards of glass that had blasted into the backseat. He checked the woman. Her head lay at an odd angle. He checked Howard Stark. He still had a pulse. That wouldn’t do. So Bucky gripped him by the back of his head and yanked._

_Snap!_

 

\------

 

Bucky started awake.

 

“No! Nononono…” He was trembling and his sweater was drenched in cold sweat. The sound of bone breaking rang in his ears.

 

He was laying on the floor next to Steve’s desk. Files were strewn around him, as well as Steve’s laptop, a lamp, and an assortment of pens and pencils.

 

“Bucky??”

 

He whipped his head around to see Steve crouching beside him, eyes wide. It was then that Bucky noticed two hands holding down his left arm. He looked behind Steve and saw that one of the desk legs had been broken in two and one end of the tabletop was touching the ground.

 

“Bucky, what’s wrong? What happened??” came Steve’s alarmed voice.

 

“I did it,” he said shakily.

 

“What?”

 

“I killed him. I killed _them_.”

 

“You- what are you talking about??”

 

“H-howard Stark. Maria Stark. Their driver. Oh god, Oh god, it was me!! I killed them!!!”

 

“Bucky, breathe! Calm down!” Steve removed his hands from the mechanical arm to help him sit up.

 

“There, look,” Bucky pointed at the ragged news clipping on the floor, “'Howard and Maria Stark die in car accident.' It wasn't an accident!”

 

“Bucky!”

 

“Hydra was behind it, and you know who was part of Hydra?” He was starting to feel dizzy again.

 

“Bucky!”

 

“I killed them. Oh, god, it was me, it was me!!”

 

“BUCKY!” Steve shouted, “BUCKY, I KNOW!”

 

“I- you- what?”

 

“Listen to me,” Steve grabbed him by the shoulders, “When Tasha and I went back to my old military training camp we found a Hydra base. Zola told us everything.”

 

Bucky was silent for a while, as his breathing returned to normal. Then he spoke softly, “why?”

 

“Why what..?”

 

“Why are you okay with this? Why don’t you hate me? You knew him! You knew him, and I killed him!”

 

“No! Bucky, shut up,” Steve said firmly, “Listen. I’m not okay with it, not at all. But you know what? It wasn't you. It was Hydra. Not you."

 

“I can still hear it, you know,” Bucky said shakily, “the sound of his neck snapping. I can still see it, the glass, the blood-"

 

And then he couldn't continue. Not because he felt too shaken, or guilty, or scared, though he did, but because a pair of warm lips came crashing down on his, effectively preventing any more words from being formed. His eyes fluttered closed and he let them calm him down.

 

When Steve broke the kiss his voice was quavering too. "Shut up. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. So please just...just... stop."

 

And then he was crying, and Bucky had his arms full of sobbing super soldier, and was feeling helpless and bewildered.

 

That's when Natasha and Sam came crashing in because apparently Steve had them on speed dial and called them when he found Bucky unconscious. Sam took one look at them and muttered, "finally," and Natasha glanced at them and then the popcorn and coke on the floor and said, "is this a bad time?"

 

"No," Bucky said, still clutching on to Steve, "we were just about to watch The Little Mermaid."

 

Natasha and Sam looked at each other.

 

Steve gave a watery laugh, "it started the Disney Renaissance, you know?"

  
Bucky allowed a smile, "so I've heard."

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't supposed to be a Stucky fic. I don't know what happened. I'm sorry.


End file.
